Transparent

As per http://www.merriam-webster.com:

Main Entry: trans·par·ent

Pronunciation: \tran(t)s-ˈper-ənt\

Function: adjective

Etymology: 15th Century, Middle English, from Medieval Latin transparent-, transparens, present participle of transparēre to show through, from Latin trans- + parēre to show oneself

1 a (1): having the property of transmitting light without appreciable scattering so that bodies lying beyond are seen clearly : pellucid (2): allowing the passage of a specified form of radiation (as X-rays or ultraviolet light) b: fine or sheer enough to be seen through : diaphanous

2 a: free from pretense or deceit : frank b: easily detected or seen through : obvious c: readily understood d: characterized by visibility or accessibility of information especially concerning business practices

synonyms see clear

— trans·par·ent·ly adverb

— trans·par·ent·ness noun

I want to be transparent. I want others to look at me and not have to guess what I stand for and who I am. And when others meet me and get to know me, I want them to see that I'm real, that I'm a person with emotions and that I'm not afraid to show those emotions. I want people to feel like they can trust me. I want them to know that I'm a good person with many flaws, but my life is about living for Jesus and living to be like Him, but that I will always fail and I may fail the people who choose to trust me. And I may fail with the same things over and over again, taking small steps to figure out how to get things right, and maybe never getting some things right at all.

I want to love. I want people to know that I love them. I want them to know that even if I don't understand, I will pray for them - when I remember to. I will do this even if I don't know them, too. I want them to know that I don't always remember to pray, but that I'm learning to be more consistent and that I want to be a prayer warrior again like I used to be in the past. I want them to know that if I can't help any other way, that I feel that praying for them is the strongest thing that I can do because I have a God who is stronger than anything else in this world, no matter what happens, no matter what we don't understand. I want people to know that I accept them - even if we have nothing in common, even if we can never be friends, I still accept them for who they are. And even if we don't believe in the same things, I will accept and respect them and hope that they have the same acceptance and respect for me in return.

I want to listen. I want to be a friend who is always there, even in the middle of the night. I want people to know that if they need me, please call. If I can't talk, I will tell you - but I will call you back. If I can talk, I will listen for hours if necessary, even if it deprives me of sleep for the next day.

I want these things and more. Will I ever truly be all of these things? Maybe, maybe not - but I want to strive for these things and I want others to teach me how I can be better at just being a transparent, loving, listening person. Don't ever be afraid to point out my weaknesses. Don't ever be afraid to critique how I live my life - whether you're wrong or right, I will listen. Whether I like it or not, I will accept your opinion and will try to remember to pray upon how Jesus would have me respond in my life. Whether or not I change, I want to hear it.

I want to be transparent.

-Kristin Hope