Ghost Whisperer

I've recently started watching, from the beginning, the tv show Ghost Whisperer. Right when I started watching it, I realized -I hoped- that this would help me learn that I don't have to always hold back my tears. I've really enjoyed the show so far, and most of the episodes end with happy endings - or closure of some sort. Yet, for the most part, I still hold back my tears. I feel my tears swelling up in my eyes, and only a few times have I let them pass the point of no return.

I honestly don't know why it's so hard for me to cry. Sometimes, the crying just comes - other times, it's like I act like I'm made of stone. I don't mean to - I just hold back that part of me that makes me human...unintentionally. But when I do let myself cry, I feel relief wash over my body. Almost like when the emotions that were being held inside were let out, then for a time, I am cleansed. When I do cry, I feel weight come off of my shoulders - like a detox of some sort. When I don't cry, I feel my body being stifled by those left-over emotions that need to be recycled. But - I still hope that by the end of this series, maybe I will have learned how to let myself go and cry a little, even when it's not really 'necessary' - and be vulnerable that way.

-Kristin Hope