Transparent

As per http://www.merriam-webster.com:

Main Entry: trans·par·ent

Pronunciation: \tran(t)s-ˈper-ənt\

Function: adjective

Etymology: 15th Century, Middle English, from Medieval Latin transparent-, transparens, present participle of transparēre to show through, from Latin trans- + parēre to show oneself

1 a (1): having the property of transmitting light without appreciable scattering so that bodies lying beyond are seen clearly : pellucid (2): allowing the passage of a specified form of radiation (as X-rays or ultraviolet light) b: fine or sheer enough to be seen through : diaphanous

2 a: free from pretense or deceit : frank b: easily detected or seen through : obvious c: readily understood d: characterized by visibility or accessibility of information especially concerning business practices

synonyms see clear

— trans·par·ent·ly adverb

— trans·par·ent·ness noun

I want to be transparent. I want others to look at me and not have to guess what I stand for and who I am. And when others meet me and get to know me, I want them to see that I'm real, that I'm a person with emotions and that I'm not afraid to show those emotions. I want people to feel like they can trust me. I want them to know that I'm a good person with many flaws, but my life is about living for Jesus and living to be like Him, but that I will always fail and I may fail the people who choose to trust me. And I may fail with the same things over and over again, taking small steps to figure out how to get things right, and maybe never getting some things right at all.

I want to love. I want people to know that I love them. I want them to know that even if I don't understand, I will pray for them - when I remember to. I will do this even if I don't know them, too. I want them to know that I don't always remember to pray, but that I'm learning to be more consistent and that I want to be a prayer warrior again like I used to be in the past. I want them to know that if I can't help any other way, that I feel that praying for them is the strongest thing that I can do because I have a God who is stronger than anything else in this world, no matter what happens, no matter what we don't understand. I want people to know that I accept them - even if we have nothing in common, even if we can never be friends, I still accept them for who they are. And even if we don't believe in the same things, I will accept and respect them and hope that they have the same acceptance and respect for me in return.

I want to listen. I want to be a friend who is always there, even in the middle of the night. I want people to know that if they need me, please call. If I can't talk, I will tell you - but I will call you back. If I can talk, I will listen for hours if necessary, even if it deprives me of sleep for the next day.

I want these things and more. Will I ever truly be all of these things? Maybe, maybe not - but I want to strive for these things and I want others to teach me how I can be better at just being a transparent, loving, listening person. Don't ever be afraid to point out my weaknesses. Don't ever be afraid to critique how I live my life - whether you're wrong or right, I will listen. Whether I like it or not, I will accept your opinion and will try to remember to pray upon how Jesus would have me respond in my life. Whether or not I change, I want to hear it.

I want to be transparent.

-Kristin Hope

Does God Have Wings?

I think my mind may have wandered a bit when my Bible study tonight referenced the following verse:

Psalm 91:4 (New International Version)
He will cover you with his feathers,
and under his wings you will find refuge;
his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.

The first thing that came to mind was the reminder that God wants to take care of me to the point of taking me "under His wings" and remembering that I've honestly felt Him that closed to me before in my past, in a specific instance like He was really holding me. Then there goes the wandering. I believe in Angels. Angels are represented as having wings (but I have not researched this as fact). We are made in God's image, and we have no wings. But, God wants to "cover you with his feathers" and we can find refuge "under his wings" - therefore, does God have wings? For some reason, I find that fascinating. I've never really had a picture of what I think God looks like in my mind (of course I do have an image of what Jesus looks like, not specific like all the pictures portray, but based on where He was born), but I've also never imagined Him with wings. This thought, no matter if it's true or not because in the end, it doesn't matter what He looks like, but this thought just makes me see my God as so much more than I already saw Him as being. I don't imagine those wings as dainty things - I imagine them as strong and protective, especially according to Psalm 91:4. I imagine them as powerful and graceful. The picture above doesn't do justice what my mind has imagined - but it's the best image that I could find on the internet.

Wouldn't it be neat if Psalm 91:4 is truly literal? My God might really have wings! *smile*

-Kristin Hope

Casting Crowns"Praise You in this Storm"

Casting Crowns is one of my all-time favorite bands. Their music has such powerful meaning, and it's always so truthful and REAL. Any time I go through something in my life that seems unbearable, when the storm seems to never end and even get rougher, this song is always a big reminder of how big my God really is. Jesus never promised life would be easy, and trust me, I've had my fair share of hard times. But, He did promise to never leave us. He can give us strength to go on when we feel like we have none left, but only if we let Him.

Tonight I was doing my Bible Study, trying to catch up. I had to do 2 days worth because honestly, even though I've had two weeks to do 5 days of homework, I've only just started. The study is on the Psalms of Ascents, Psalms 120 through 134. I'm ashamed to say that I honestly didn't realize that part of Casting Crowns song Praise You in this Storm came from Psalm 121 - specifically verses 1-2. When I read those verses, a melody came to my mind and I knew that I'd heard a song with those exact words. So when I was done, I had to come research what song I'd been humming every time I read those verses. I've linked Casting Crowns' MySpace page to the title of this post - if you have time, go on and visit the page so you can hear the song. I found the lyrics below online:

I was sure by now,God, that You would have reached down
and wiped our tears away,
stepped in and saved the day.
But once again, I say amen
and it's still raining
as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain,
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away.

And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I remember when I stumbled in the wind
You heard my cry to You
and raised me up again
my strength is almost gone how can I carry on
if I can't find You
and as the thunder rolls
I barely hear You whisper through the rain
"I'm with you"
and as Your mercy falls
I raise my hands and praise
the God who gives and takes away

And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

I lift my eyes up to the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth
I lift my eyes up to the hills
where does my help come from?
My help comes from the Lord, the maker of heaven and earth

And I'll praise you in this storm
and I will lift my hands
for You are who You are
no matter where I am
and every tear I've cried
You hold in your hand
You never left my side
and though my heart is torn
I will praise You in this storm

So how easy is it to praise Him in a storm that you're going through? For me, sometimes not very easy. But I know He's there. And I know He'll take care of me. Imagine - "the maker of heaven and earth". What does that really mean? It means He is the CREATOR - he created heaven and he created the earth. So why do I sometimes doubt that He's powerful enough to take care of little-old-me? 1 person on this planet in the midst of so many other people, yet He hears each and every one of us - but do we choose to hear Him? He's big enough, yes; but in the midst of things we don't understand, are we willing?

-Kristin Hope

Music Invades My Soul

So, I'm sitting here watching the finale for American Idol. It's not American Idol that gets me going. It's the music. I don't care about the hoopla of who's going to win or who's more popular than who. I just love hearing those guys sing and I love music. It makes me wish I was more musically inclined than I am - yes, I can play piano, but only if I have sheet music in front of me and if I practice. I can't even sing while playing unless I'm also playing the melody. If I'm just playing the harmony, then I get lost. I'm sure if I practice, that would get better. I do have a song by Meredith Andrews called You Invite Me In that I need to work on. The piano music is only the harmony, and if I can just get my fingers to learn to play it without me thinking about it, then I'm sure I'll be able to sing while I play - and it's such a beautiful song.

I tried creating a song once, but I didn't get very far. I don't even know where it is anymore - probably somewhere stored away and one day when I'm old and gray I'll find it.

I don't know why music gets into my soul like it does. Maybe it has something to do with how much I used to write poetry. I've been out of that for such a long time - kind of a long-term writer's block I guess.

Music is also something that helps me feel closer to God. If there's praise music on, I could sing along with it all day and play it on the piano all night if I know it well enough. I loose myself in the words and the sound and I feel like I'm finally where I belong.

-Kristin Hope

MisterOur Sugar Glider

He's my and Chris' Sugar Glider. He's more Chris' than mine, though, because I don't really like to handle him much. But, he's a cutie - and apparently I love him. I just spent a good 2 HOURS to fix him his dinner for the next 1-2 months. 2 TIRING HOURS! I should have taken a picture. He eats goop and he loves it. It's a mixture of applesauce, little bit of oj, oatmeal, wheat germ, plain yogurt, and fruits and veggies all mixed into mush.

Guess I love my suggie.

Want more information on Sugar Gliders? Go here: GliderCENTRAL

So yeah - I'm tired. It's time for bed now.

Here's a picture of a Sugar Glider, by the way - not Mister,
though - I need to eventually take pictures of him.

(Hmm - this post is messed up - I can't seem to get the comments to show the way I want them to. But, it looks like other comments elsewhere are working right. So, I'm not going to worry myself with just one post. If you click on the title "Mister", then you can see comments.)

-Kristin Hope

New Comment Tool!

Well - I found this nifty new comment tool, but unfortunately it got rid of the 3 different comments that I already had on my current posts. I am so sorry about that! If you want to, please re-comment; but you don't have to. :(

I hope this nifty new comment tool was worth it!!!!! :)


(blah - apparently you have to click on the comments link to get the form to fill out a comment....I'm going to see if there's a workaround for that.)

(Oh wait, no you don't - I was logged in so it showed diferently to me. Looks like the comment form is there if you are not logged in....hmm, I need to learn how this works, but out of time - will check it out later!)

(*sigh* Wrong again - I feel silly. :))

(WooHoo I got the old comments back and the new posts show the new comment fields - yay!!!) :) ....now on to figuring out why I can't edit my posts if I'm logged in. :)

-Kristin Hope

Ghost Whisperer

I've recently started watching, from the beginning, the tv show Ghost Whisperer. Right when I started watching it, I realized -I hoped- that this would help me learn that I don't have to always hold back my tears. I've really enjoyed the show so far, and most of the episodes end with happy endings - or closure of some sort. Yet, for the most part, I still hold back my tears. I feel my tears swelling up in my eyes, and only a few times have I let them pass the point of no return.

I honestly don't know why it's so hard for me to cry. Sometimes, the crying just comes - other times, it's like I act like I'm made of stone. I don't mean to - I just hold back that part of me that makes me human...unintentionally. But when I do let myself cry, I feel relief wash over my body. Almost like when the emotions that were being held inside were let out, then for a time, I am cleansed. When I do cry, I feel weight come off of my shoulders - like a detox of some sort. When I don't cry, I feel my body being stifled by those left-over emotions that need to be recycled. But - I still hope that by the end of this series, maybe I will have learned how to let myself go and cry a little, even when it's not really 'necessary' - and be vulnerable that way.

-Kristin Hope

Today is Wednesday,not Thursday...

Last night I went to a Women's Bible Study and today I was in Frisco all day for a TASBO class. And today, I keep thinking it's Thursday! I hate when that happens - I feel like I'm going to be thrown off the rest of the week - but it'll be nice when 3:00 Friday rolls around.

So, right now I'm listening to Chris talk to a friend online and he reminded me of something I saw the other day at Barnes and Noble. A book titled Pride and Prejudice and Zombies .... HUH??


A part of the B&N website synopses states: ""It is a truth universally acknowledged that a zombie in possession of brains must be in want of more brains." So begins Pride and Prejudice and Zombies, an expanded edition of the beloved Jane Austen novel featuring all-new scenes of bone-crunching zombie mayhem."

Maybe I'm just a bit weirded out because it's, well, the original is kind of a classic... Don't get me wrong, I'm all for the next horror or thriller anything (a weakness of mine that I'm feeling nudged to re-consider....God, do I really have to?), but Pride and Prejudice....and Zombies?? So, maybe I need to go and read the original - then see how the expanded edition reads.

Well, I would go and read the original....but I have yet to finish: Bridge to Terabithia, The Terry Goodkind Sword of Truth Series, Thr3e by Ted Dekker (My Favorite Author), The Twilight Saga, and Adam by Ted Dekker (Which I just bought...yesterday)....among probably many others that I've since forgotten. ...I also mentioned earlier that I'm in a Bible study - that workbook is Beth Moore's Stepping Up: A Journey through the Psalms of Ascent.

It's not that I don't like reading - I LOVE TO READ! But, I seem to get distracted and then sometimes forget all about the book that I started. I'm trying to get better because I know that reading will help keep my mind active - I feel blessed that even though I have to wear glasses, I still have my eyes and I don't want them to forget what it's like to read. Heck, maybe reading helps your eyes get stronger? Fat chance, I know. :)

Alright, well, I better go...as hubby nicely stated, "...while the brownies are still warm." (I'm putting ice cream on mine...yum!) But yeah - he just wants me to get him one - I see how it is. :)


-Kristin Hope

Here we go again...

So, I've tried blogging before and I actually had something going pretty well on MySpace - but since I've stopped using MySpace, I've stopped blogging. Now is the time to try again. It may take me a while to get things set up the way I want, but I definitely want to learn how to set things up nicely and so I will do my best with that - any suggestions are welcome!

So, sit back, relax, and welcome to My Little World!

-Kristin Hope