Motivation

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mo·ti·va·tion/ˌmōtəˈvāSHən/

Noun:

The reason or reasons one has for acting or behaving in a particular way. The general desire or willingness of someone to do something.

Synonyms:  motive - incentive - stimulus - impulse

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I truly know what this word means now.  Or at least, I have a better understanding of the meaning.

Let's backtrack....

A couple of years ago I decided to go on a journey to get healthier.  I even decided to blog about it on my Four Buttersticks blog in an attempt to keep myself motivated (there's that word again - I do not think it meant what I thought it meant....if you get that, then yes, I'm a dork.....moving on...).  I also attempted a Four Buttersticks Facebook Page.  These other outlets are not retired just yet, but I'm not quite sure what I plan to do with them at the moment.

It's been a long few years, and I know that my journey will never be over.  Along the way, there were small things here and there that I would finally "get".  Things such as: this journey is for life, it doesn't have anything to do with a diet, and the scale doesn't completely define my progress.  It wasn't until several months ago that I truly got motivated and I really understood what my journey is about.

Two things happened:

1. I gained almost all of the weight that I'd lost over the last couple of years in just a short 3 weeks while on a business trip with my new job at Tyler Technologies.
2. My doctor diagnosed me with having Polycystic Ovarian Syndrome (PCOS*).  In short, PCOS is the most common endocrine (defined: Of, relating to, or denoting glands that secrete hormones or other products directly into the blood) disorder in women.  The diagnosis is based on symptoms that make up the condition and its cause is unknown; therefore, there is no cure.  Among many other things, it can cause infertility.  This made me pause (think of those movies where music is playing and then, all of a sudden - it skids to a stop like scratching a record!).

My biggest motivator now is my diagnosis.

Not really because I've been "diagnosed", but because it made me take a step back and evaluate my life and the choices I'd been making in regards to how I was treating my body.  For all the symptoms that create this condition, why is my body displaying any of the symptoms?  What could I do to help get my hormones back in line and get my body in a more normal state?  Is this really something I will have to "manage" for the rest of my life, or do I just need to learn how to take care of myself properly?

Psalm 139:13-15 New International Version (NIV)

¹³ For you created my inmost being;
    you knit me together in my mother’s womb.
¹⁴ I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made;
    your works are wonderful,
    I know that full well.
¹⁵ My frame was not hidden from you
    when I was made in the secret place,
    when I was woven together in the depths of the earth.

God makes no mistakes in how He's made us.  But we are responsible for maintaining and taking care of what He's given us, to the best of our abilities and circumstances.  We all have a story to tell, and we all have a choice in how it's told.  Everything that I've read so far has told me that I will always have PCOS.  Everything that I've read so far has also told me that PCOS is just a compilation of symptoms and not all women will always have the same, or all, of the symptoms.

The symptoms can be managed either medically or naturally.  I've chosen to do what I can naturally.  Please don't misinterpret - I'm not saying that I'm against medicine.  I think there are very talented scientists and doctors in the world.  I think those roles are necessary for a lot of things that go on in the world.  But, somewhat due to my chiropractic care at BestLife Chiropractic and Wellness Center, I also believe that our bodies are "fearfully and wonderfully made".  Thinking of so many sci-fi movies I've watched, our bodies really are wonderful "machines" that, if taken care of properly, they'll often times take care of you in return (I know there are exceptions - again, everyone's story is different and I know not everyone fits into the same mold - but I still believe we are ALL "fearfully and wonderfully made").

To say all of this, I am finally, truly, taking slow and steady steps to be healthier.

• On 04/08/12, I was back to 232 lbs.  That was 1 lb less than the highest weight I've been at in my life, and the little progress I'd made over the previous year or so was pretty much wiped clean.  So I started WeightWatchers again to help me track what I eat and help me learn to eat better.
• On 04/26/12 I went to the doctor due to some personal concerns.  That's when I learned about PCOS, and the next week my doctor called to confirm that this was her diagnosis.
• I've been paying attention to what I put into my body.  So far, less carbs and more fruit (much of which are organic).  I still have a long way to go - such as adding more vegetables and eliminating other things that just aren't good for me.  I also need to drink more water again and incorporate some sort of exercise into my day to day activities.

Since starting WeightWatchers, and definitely after finding out I have PCOS, I've been diligent (not perfect) in my journey to take care of my body.  At this point in my journey, as of today, 7/29/12, I've lost 22 pounds (down to 210 lbs).  I'm excited to be fitting in my size 16 clothes again, but I will not stop here.  I will keep going.  I will fall.  Then I'll get back up again, dust off, and go further.  I don't know what the future holds, but I trust God and I accept the responsibility that I have for my own actions.  For those of you who have read my blog before, you may have noticed a slight change in the design.  I'm not sure if my blog will stay this way.  I'm not even sure I'll keep the name.  But that kind of makes sense, though, right?  I'm on a journey and I expect that I'll be growing along the way.  I feel like I've grown the last 3 months.  I expect my blog will also grow with me.

Thank you for being a part of my story.

Jeremiah 29:11 New International Version (NIV)

¹¹ For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.

 

*For more information about PCOS, see the website located at 1-in-10 - this is becoming a great resource for me and I want to encourage others to spread the word.